Today, after floating blissfully in amniotic fluid for approximately 9 months, although I’m not yet able to see it in these terms, a catastrophic event occurred.
First of all I get my first experience of solidity, which for someone who’s been floating in fluid for their whole life, is pretty hard and rocky, even though it’s only human flesh.
Second I’m very nervous about where I’m going to end up. I’ve only had a vague notion up to now, based on the noises I’ve been able to take in from the amnion. Is it going to be Calcutta or California?
Third as soon as I come out, I’m immediately tipped upside down and poked with cold metallic things which really doesn’t bode too well. Where was the maternal embrace I was expecting?
My first breath isn’t much of a party either. The air is seriously cold and my lungs feel like they’re burning.

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